Living with Depression & Anxiety
Fundamentally, depression is a biochemical malfunction that can be easily explained. What seems much harder to come to terms with are the philosophical concepts at the core of a culture looking for an explanation of it’s existence.
We’d rather keep our illness a secret because we know that others don’t understand it. They’ll make unfair judgments about our behaviour and ability to “cope”. It’s clear that in 2020 Depression is a poorly understood “weakness” disease. If you contract it you’re frequently caste in the mould of lazy idiot.
Not the justice that can be measured in terms of crime and punishment or right and wrong, because humanity doesn’t seem to have the capacity for “fair”. But the justice that conveys I have a right to exist because I was created to do so. Justice that allows me to hope for a future I may not deserve, but will nonetheless provide the opportunity for me to uncover who I really am, because I know my creator.
It’s common for other’s to think that depressed and anxious people are shy and avoid ‘social’ behaviors but that’s not always true. It’s one of the things I struggle with daily. I believe that to “prove” I’m depressed and anxious I must exhibit the generic depression and anxiety symptoms that others would expect. When in fact, most of the time I’m naturally loud and the more stressed I am, the louder and funnier I become.
Many depressed and anxious people perform incredible feats of emotional daring to make themselves appear “normal”. They fake illnesses so you’ll accept their excuses. They’ll hide behind alcohol, recreational drugs, obsessive routines, work-a-holism, arrogance and avoidance to make sure that you don’t make ripples that their “jerry-built” boats can’t handle.
When you live with depression and anxiety forgiveness can be a tough pill to swallow.
It’s true that you don’t have to be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or other emotional health issue to feel at times, that life sucks. After all, we all make bad decisions. But what is it that has people turning to religion, with it’s questionable reputation, when bad stuff happens?
Possibly the saddest thing about trauma for a child is that they cannot easily develop into the adult they were designed to be. Their natural, emotional growth is espaliered into fractured branches, each neatly groomed to ensure survival.
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